12 Days

12 days from now, I'll be waking up the same time I used to wake up back in high school--5 AM--or probably even earlier if I don't want to be late for the first stage of the Foreign Service Exam at 7 AM sharp.  I'm a late sleeper.  I'm not an insomniac.  I just like sleeping late and waking up for brunch or to answer that godforsaken phone where on the other line lies a telemarketer, looking to sell shower heads to my deceased grandmother.  God bless her soul.

Not-so-fresh out of college, I spend most days pretending to prepare for the FSE.  I'm not being cocky; I'm just being focused on my goal: I will pass the exam and become a Foreign Service Officer.  I just can't see myself in any other job, which is probably why I've either rejected or been rejected from possible job offers.

Today is the day I stop bookmarking ostensibly interesting articles.  Today is the day I stop running away from educational and informative websites with scroll bars so small, it's like the page is on infinite scroll (a la Tumblr style).  Today is the day I actually start reading again.

After college, I feel that my brain has stopped working.  Did I really need all that fear of failure and embarrassment to motivate me to learn? Can't I just learn for the sake of learning? I should already be big enough (pun intended because I'm a few pounds overweight and the two ends of my pants are star-crossed lovers, fated never to meet again, lest I engage in some sort of physical exercises which involve walking further than the distance from my room to the fridge) to know the rewards of being a wide reader.

Yesterday I survived a full day without my laptop.  I did spend a few minutes checking my mail and several online accounts on our family's 8-year-old desktop computer, but that was it.  At night I found myself with too much time on my hands, which I half-used on reading Jeffrey Eugenides' Middlesex, quarter-used on playing games on my mobile phones, and quarter-used channel surfing, which I haven't done in a long time.  I haven't been watching TV because the Internet (by which I actually mean Tumblr) has sucked all the life and time out of me.  For those on Tumblr, follow me.  For those not yet on Tumblr, do not get started.  It is pure EVOL.

Anyway I want to chronicle my journey towards the Philippine foreign service through this postcard blog turned missed connection blog turned whatever blog.  Whatever blog.  Maybe I shouldn't have stopped blogging in 2008 after that one incident of cyberbullying.  Hopefully if I pass the FSE, this blog would chronicle the awesome and exciting adventures of future foreign service officer me.

If I don't pass this year, I have 16 more years to try again.  I'm 20 and ready for the world.  Or probably not. We'll see.